Today is the first day of the rest of my life...and of my blog.

That "Today is the first day" saying was a quote that hung on a banner at my Nana's church when I was little. I didn't really like the church that much, and Nana always sang loud and off key because she was tone deaf, but I did love that banner - for a child who shouldn't have had a care in the world, somehow it brought me comfort, despite the fact that I had nothing to worry about!

So, this is my first blog. Ever.

Can I talk about Michael Jackson for a moment here? Of course I can, its my blog. Well, I grew up in the 80's and was a MJ fan (hmmm... just realized those are my oldest son's initials), so I was a fan, but, was not a fanatic. The coverage of his death, in my humble opinion has been thorough to the point of exhaustion: (or is that my dysautonomia kicking in.) Regardless, the one thing that I did "get out of it" was a quote concerning his not being able to sleep. Dysautonmia messes with everything the autonomic nervous system is supposed to control - sleep being one of them. But, in all the death coverage that I tried to ignore while I "arted" away, I did catch one Jackson quote that I related with. The very thing that lead to Jackson's death, his tortured contention for sleep, he described as being the result of, "a constant beat in my head." So, while I imagine more than I will ever care to know was going on with Jackson, this makes one thing clear, he was always an artist...and perhaps that kept him from rest.

All that just to say, that I relate. I spent 13 years suffering with dysautonmia, with no diagnosis because it is so rare. During that time, I slept as much as I could, when I wanted to, when I was scared, when I was tired, whenever. I even had a sleeping bag in the back of my van so I could catch a nap at lunch when I took on a full-time job (that didn't last long - too ill!) But, now. Now, that I have found an activity that I can do and that I enjoy. Now, that I am trying to help with the family income as dysautonomia has rendered me disabled and unable to work. Now, that I have something that is my own, that is fun, that is meaningful and fulfilling. Now, I find that I have "a constant beat in my head."

I either have ideas for art, or feel I should be thinking of ideas, or want to be putting my ideas into fruition. I already suffer for a need for good restful sleep, but now, I find that I suffer with one who was a true artist- but... I won't be hooking up to an IV. Ambien anyone?
G'nite!