Wedding Anniversary #23 !!!

Well, yesterday, my husband, Tony and I celebrated 23 years of wedded bliss!  Actually, it still feels like our anniversary today, as it is almost 4:00 AM as I begin this long over-due blog and I have not yet been to sleep.  We had a lovely day, starting with me sleeping in (surprise!) and Tony going to the gym for a work-out.  Actually, I've had so much trouble sleeping for the past two weeks or so, even when Tony came and woke me up so we could start our celebration excursion, I still did not want to get out of bed as I had finally been sleeping so soundly.  But, alas, getting up and getting started proved to be a great idea as our anniversary day was, by most accounts probably conservative, but was special to us, none-the-less.
The plan was to have a late lunch at the Olive Garden in Salem, which evolved into a stop at Borders Books and after lunch, a brief stop "for just one thing" at my favorite craft store in Salem.  Luckily for me, Tony had in mind a trip to Costco on our way in to Salem to pick up a "boho" style sundress which I had recently admired as his anniversary gift to me.  I love it so much, and was even more in love with it after I put it on and realized that while it is definitely a "sundress" it is styled for full coverage so there's no worry about what type of slip or "other support" to wear under it.  No spaghetti straps in other words, which I so wish I could wear, but don't really feel comfortable or have all the latest and greatest under-styles to pull the look off.
Then, we proceeded to Borders books in Salem where Tony bought his own anniversary gift. A book he'd heard about on the radio and a weight-lifting magazine.  (We are so extravagant!)  A company gift card provided the means for our Olive Garden lunch, and finally, I managed to leave the craft shop with only the one item I needed and an extra for good measure. I mean really, who can buy just one item in a craft store??? My lack of self-control manifested itself in a  $1 notepad...so, I don't feel too bad about "going wild."

So, why am I so awake at this hour of the morning.  Chalk it up to POTS dysautonomia.  Oh, I forgot, Tony did insist that I get a book at Borders entitled "The Hand Made Marketplace: How to Sell Your Crafts Locally, Globally, and Online," by Kari Chapin.  That book, coupled with a reminder that its time to sign up for a fall craft show have my adrenaline dumping and pumping through my veins as I consider all I have neglected to do, put off because I was not feeling well, all I need to catch up on, and new projects that might be of interest in the Hand-Made marketplace.  I get so excited, and have such plans, this book has given me some direction, as well as setting off a POTS reaction that apparently must run its course as sleep just will not come...or has not, yet tonight.

I didn't think to take either a photo of me and my hubby together on our anniversary, or a pic of me in my dress.  I will post a pic soon, but probably have my favorite female model, stand-in for the dress photo.  It fits her well also, and somehow just looks that much better on her figure.  Actually, I am encouraged as I should be on the losing side (or is that the winning side?) of the battle of the bulge.  Not that it is showing yet, but the almost 30 lbs that I inexplicably gained in the three years since our move from AK has finally shown a link in part of the dysautonomia complex...low thyroid.  Yes, its a glandular problem!  It couldn't possibly be the 40-something curse.  Truly though, I am anxious to get back on thyroid meds as I lost weight almost immediately when I went on them, then, had to have some "tests" run, went off the meds and voila'  extra mass of Sheri! 

Finally, a word about POTS Dysautonomia.  I have inwardly debated every time I mention the condition as you know, I "don't look sick." But, to quote a wise woman, "It is what it is."   And I have it.  I believe in miracles, I believe in healing, and I also believe in telling it like it is.  I haven't experienced physical healing yet, but am much relieved emotionally, knowing that POTS "won't kill you, it'll just make you wish it would." (Thanks Doc.)  Anyway, I guess all this is just to say that I'm tired of tip-toeing around my critics, whose lack of compassion is truly a comentary on them... not me.  I realize that as I get older, most of my doubting Thomases age also and if I look in their eyes...they don't look blind. But, I wish I could challenge them, if you can't see to drive, take off your glasses cuz your eyes look okay to me.  Or, if you can see "out there" but need reading glasses, before reaching for those store-bought magnifiers, read the time on the face of your watch or an article in the newspaper...your eyes look just fine to me.


So, POTS affects and to a great extent, rules my life.  My strength is that I'm still here.  No one knows the bones its taken to face a failing body, to face doctors who don't know what they are looking at and would rather pass to the next patient and deal with a little arthritis, and face loved ones, and ones who are supposed to love me, but seethe judgement- even in the sudden silence when I mention my condition, or in their lack of interest to find out how POTS affects people, or judgement in outright mean, evil statements.  But, hey, I choose me, my family, my God and the things that I can do, on the days, during the moments when I can do them...even if its in the middle of the night when "normal" people are asleep, and I will be quietly judged lazy for missing church tomorrow.  God knows.  He knows all.

Quote on this post card published by: Invisible Diseases.com

Love is invisible.
Hope is invisible.
Friendship is invisible.
...But, they are all real!
So are Invisible Diseases

I am thankful for my ability to create when I can spend some time upright.  I am thankful for books to read when I can't. I am thankful for most of my family. And I am thankful for 23 years with the most optomistic, biggest chearleader, most devoted, man I know. But, I am done hiding.
Dysautonomia. It is what it is.